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Finding my peace



I finally wrote about this, since it's not something I want to tell people verbally. I don't think many people still read blogs as well, haha.. so this is a good remedy for me.

To be honest, I feel that I have many wounds from the past, that I still can not get over with until now. Sometimes, I remember those and cry, sleep, and then I wake up again; the difference is now I am getting better at facing reality. I let those sadnesses come cause in the end I am just a human, then I can come back again stronger, and little by little, I am getting better. 

When I was younger, with problems that I had, I always felt how unlucky I was, then I thought I had to keep that feeling from telling others cause I believed I was being dramatic. Believe it or not, with my extroverted personality, I still have many stories that I never shared with anyone, cause either it was too painful to remember, too embarrassing, or I just wanna delete those memories, cause they made me so lost. 

In fact, I am so much happier now, I am independent, and I do what I want to do in life. This is a good thing about being a nomad, I move when I need to. You know, sometimes far away from home can be a remedy, when home is not the safest place anymore.. then you need to go, and it's okay because, in the end, you are fighting your own journey, and you need to create your own home.

For me, finding my peace is a long journey taking years. Why am I depressed sometimes? Why could I not forgive? Why I blamed things on destiny? It took me years of being far from influential powers in my life, and then exploring my identity became better. Who am I? What do I love to do? What is my purpose in life? What is precious to me? and so many questions that I can not answer without having the freedom to understand myself. 

So, I have decided to embrace every journey; not only that I have the freedom to be myself, but I have the opportunity to heal from the bad things, that have affected me so much, so long, and so deeply. So to everyone that feels the same, I want to remind you, that whatever you feel is valid. Just because it's not as bad as what others going through, does not mean it was not bad for you. So it's okay to feel sad and try to heal. 

I still can not tell how bad it was, maybe it was not so bad, but then again, it was real. at least for me, the pain is real, and I still learning to deal with it and let it go.. So I am still on my journey to find my peace. By the end of the day, I hope that I will understand the purpose of my creation, and why what happened to me had to happen; then, I can take the wisdom, and truly find my peace. Amen.


Stockholm, 27/05/2023

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Location: Stockholm, Sweden

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